Carolyn considers motherhood “a school of hard knocks” like her job. While she enjoyed her career in Corporate Sales and Marketing in the logistics industry for 12 years, her decision to leave her job was motivated by the need to “witness their milestones in detail” when her job left her with only just enough time to “shuttle them from childcare to home”. Although her aspirational image of a mother has always been a “high-powered Working Mom who can multi-task between her job and her children”, Carolyn soon found other considerations that she prioritised.
“I didn’t want them to be ‘transited’ from one classroom (school) to another classroom (childcare centre), every child has their season, and I wanted to be there for each season. I wanted to provide for them not only financially, but also security.”
While the choice was made without regrets, she explained that there were significant changes that she had to adapt to when moving from a career-focused person to a domestic “home minister”.
“The image [of a homemaker] is a lot less glamorous,” she explained, “office jackets were exchanged for just t-shirts and shorts. Office heels were exchanged for slipped-on sandals. I no longer wear make-up as well, as my world centred around my home, supermarkets, their school, and the hospital.”
“Most of all, I no longer have my monthly salary and purchasing power to buy what I want.”
But while she has left her job, Carolyn continues to emulate certain structures of the corporate world at home. “More budgeting is involved in a single-income family,” she told us, “and I’ve found more creative ways to aid the kids in their learning at school.”
When asked about the challenges of her job, Carolyn explained her work was manageable, but it was the demands of motherhood and caring for children with special needs that she struggled.
“There’s a very steep learning curve because parenting does not come with a manual,” she said. “Each of them has their own special needs. Recently, the expectation on a Mom is a lot higher, there are a lot more hats to carry, teachers will ask parents to follow up on their children’s work, and it’s not easy.”
““It’s tough, but it’s also humbling,” ”
To stay grounded, Carolyn stays connected with friends of similar circumstances from her support groups, where they share their experiences and draw strength from one another’s strategies. She also finds time to catch up with her old friends over coffee or even a quick lunch to establish balance and take time for herself. She also encourages mothers in similar situations to speak to professional counsellors if they need help, which has helped her process her thoughts when she is helpless.
“It’s tough raising a child with special needs because it’s going against [the] mainstream flow,” she told us. “Many don’t seem to understand the struggles of caregivers and children with special needs, and we need to ensure that they encourage and not judge the child’s development.”
She also shared the importance of resilience, a skill she has developed in searching for a Mathematics tutor who can deal with dyslexia and hyperactivity. In this process, she’s been encouraged by many similar mothers, and for that, she is grateful.
“It’s tough, but it’s also humbling,” she spoke on her journey in motherhood. “I’ve learnt that it’s okay, not always to be okay. We can seek help for it. We are not machines; we need to take good care of our mental being to walk a long journey with our children.”
Written by: Rachel Kok Chian Yee
Edited by: Club Rainbow (Singapore)